Suicidal Tendencies
by Theirstoryisepic
Summary: He was in the middle of washing up the dishes when he went quiet. I looked up from my seat at the table and saw Juice in some sort of trance. He was staring at the bread knife he had in his hand, I called his name but he didn't seem to hear me. - Cute Chibs and Juice moments.
1. Chapter 1

I had the boy in my arms, he was crying; sobbing in fact, had been for the past five minutes. I knew I shouldn't have shoved him, multiple times into the ground and I knew I shouldn't have yelled at him. But honestly I had no idea what to do. I mean what would you do if your saw a Brother destroying the evidence of his failed suicide? I didn't know that he had gotten this bad; I knew he wasn't doing great after getting out of jail and the thing with the fucking traitor Miles. Truth was, I was rattled, and I mean why didn't he come to me about this? He's always confided in me with a whole lot of personal shite, but why not now? Especially with this. And also I couldn't lose him, I've already lost so much in my life, I couldn't lose him too.

After ten minutes I couldn't hold him any longer. "Juice?" he was still letting out little sobs. "Juice, yeh gotta get up Brother, I canno' keep holdin' yeh like this." He finally stood up and pulled away from me. He turned his back to me, sniffed a couple of times and wiped his face with his hoodies' sleeve. He rolled his shoulders back, standing up straight and slowly turned to face me. I couldn't quite see the look on his face as it was too dark here but it seemed hardened, like stone. This was completely different to the 'deer caught in the headlights' look he had when I arrived and caught him trying to get unhook the chain from the branch.

"I suppose yeh not gonna tell me what _tha'_ was about?" I asked gesturing towards him referring to the little intimate moment we just experienced together. "Or even the suicide…" gesturing to the chain that I had dropped at the branch that seemed to have broken off the tree.

He replied with a no in a monotone voice, I then pushed him further, "Have yeh spoken to someone about this?" To which he replied with another no.

"Why didn' yeh come to me before Juicy? Or go to one of the boys?"

"And say what? That ever since I got out everything has turned to shit. The shit with the Russians, with the coke and then Miles," he'd said this in a booming voice, his voice breaking when he mentioned the bastard. "That I can't sleep at night because all I see are the Russians faces that I killed and then I turn around and see Miles' dead body, waking up hoping that it wasn't true, that killing them happened in my dream. I mean I knew that when I finally did kill someone it wouldn't be all sun shine and daisies but I didn't expect to feel like this." His rage started to fade and he was speaking quieter. "Confessing that kind of shit to a brother is what gets you labelled as untrustworthy. I'd rather die knowing that my brothers love me even if they found me hanging from tree and questioning it than them thinking me of untrustworthy. I love you Brother, but I couldn't risk coming to you and telling you the truth." He looked up at my face then and I don't know exactly what he saw but he faked a slight laugh and said, "Ha right, cry me a river, like you need to hear about this."

"DO you want die, Juice?" asking a bit harshly. He replied with a swift shake of his head.

"Juice, I know where you're coming from; I've been in that head space when I first killed for the Irish, but to actually go and try kill yourself…?"

"Yeah, well I failed, I'm alive and…" He said; his sentencing fading.

"Well I'm not leaving you tonight, so ride bitch and I'll take you home. We can come and pick up your bike in the morning." My voice was firm, so he didn't go against it.

The ride to his house was a good thirty minutes, but within ten he was falling asleep; I could feel his grip loosening and his head jerking every few minutes. I took my time driving, enjoying the ride despite spending the whole trip nudging him, making sure he wouldn't fall off the bike. When we arrived in his driveway I waited for him to get off and then basically dragging him inside and forcing him into the shower to wash off all the dirt and leaves and the day away. While he was in the shower I made the both of us eggs and toast, ass there wasn't much else in his fridge. When he came out of the bathroom he just had a pair of sweats on and no shirt, I could see there were bruises forming on his back thanks to me shoving him earlier. We sat down and ate without much conversation. Juice stood up and cleaned up after we finished. He was in the middle of washing up the dishes when he went quiet. I looked up from my seat at the table and saw Juice in some sort of trance. He was staring at the bread knife he had in his hand, I called his name but he didn't seem to hear me. So I slowly rose from my chair and made my way towards him, careful not to startle him. I said his name again when I reached him, to which he replied with a "yeah" that came out as a murmur, his eyes still on the knife.

"What are yeh doin', Brother?" I asked in a whisper. I deliberately reached out with one hand and held the knifes' handle over Juices' hand and loosed his grip on the knife and with my other hand grabbed the instrument. Juice didn't protest he just lowered his hand and stood quiet for a few minutes.

"I don't know," he said, almost forgetting that I asked him something. He closed his eyes and shook his head hard, getting himself out of his dream state and then just continuing on with the dishes as if nothing happened.

The dishes done and the kitchen clean we ended up in the lounge room watching some old black and white movie that Juice picked. I was slowly drinking a beer while Juice was knocking back several shots of whiskey, after my discord. The movie ended and Juice was passed out with his feet on the coffee table and his head on my shoulder. I nudged him awake and helped him to his room and into his bed as he was tripping over his own feet and he fell asleep almost immediately. I went to the kitchen and fished out a bag of frozen peas to put on his neck and a glass of water and aspirin for him to wake up to. I put the glass and aspirin on the bedside table and the peas on his neck. He flinched at the sudden coldness but didn't reject it. His sleeping form looked peaceful, as though nothing had really happened.

I went into the lounge room and took a seat on the couch, taking off my boots and placing both my gun and knives on his coffee table and lay down and tried to sleep and prepare what he was going to say to Jax in the morning.

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Please let me know what you think of the story and if I should continue with it or not


	2. Chapter 2

During breakfast the next morning at Juices' I brought up the fact that we should to go to the club about his suicide attempt. Without even giving it a second thought or hearing me out he started mumbling about how nobody could know and that he's not going to do it again and that I should stop worrying about it.

"Juicy, I know you don't want the club to find out about… what you did, but I think I should at least tell Jax," he looked up at me with fear in his eyes and started shaking his head quite violently. "Juice. Juice!" I said raising my one of my hands up towards him, "Stop, just listen." I explained myself when he stopped shaking his head, "I can convince Jacky to keep it to himself, for a while, until you start getting better and then he won't have a reason to tell the club."

After reluctantly agreeing with me, we finished our breakfast in silence, I then gave Jax a call, asking to meet Juice and me at TM in about an hour. Before leaving I had a shower and thought of how to convince him to keep Juices' little secret to himself, while Juice cleaned up and changed. I took my time riding to TM, Juice was nervous, I could feel him playing with his hands on my stomach; he was still riding bitch as his bike was still at the warehouse.

Jax wasn't there when we arrived so we waited for him in the garage. He arrived around 10 minutes after we got there; to which Juice was pacing the room. Juice had told Jax a simplified version of what he had told me last night and after a little convincing on my behalf, he promised to keep it a secret for now.

I drove the van to the warehouse with Juice to pick up his bike and met him back at the clubhouse where I had to pick up something and meet up with the boys. Jax had given Juice a job which kept him here at the clubhouse instead of with the cartel shit. When I met the boy in the clubhouse he was at the bar finishing off a shot and pouring himself another.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you wanna slow down there Boyo?" I cautioned him.

"Gotta prove I'm getting better right? Well this will help me," he lifted up his glass for emphasise, it wasn't working the boy looked broken more so than ever.

Next couple of days I spent the nights at his house keeping him company but the boy was still distant and looking worse with each passing day. One night I turned up at his and he wasn't there, assuming he just went for a ride I didn't think too much about it and just got comfortable on his couch. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up and it was light outside. I got up and stretched out some of the kinks in my back and walked down the hallway to Juices' bedroom, his bed was untouched. I started to get really worried then, I called his cell and he didn't answer. I went straight to the clubhouse, thinking he may have crashed there for the night, but his bike wasn't there and the rooms were all empty. I spent the day worrying where the boy was, calling him every few hours hoping he wasn't hurt or worse hanging from a tree somewhere.

When I arrived at TM seeing Juice there, it felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. I wanted to pull the boy into a hug when I saw him, but I knew that would raise a few eyebrows so instead I put an arm around his neck while I passed him heading into the clubhouse.

That night I rode back with Juice to his house. When we got inside I slammed the door and started yelling at him. "What the hell were you thinking? I mean not even a phone call? The whole day all I could picture was you hanging from a tree somewhere dead!" I regretted saying that the second it came out. Juice had stop dead in his tracks. After a few minutes of attempting and failing at calming myself and trying to apologise all I could get out was a pathetic "sorry."

"No, it's okay I deserved that," he'd said after a while. He slowly unfroze from where he was and took a seat on the couch. "Look, truth is, I didn't call because I didn't know what to say. I mean the sheriff's been riding me, I just needed to go and cool off." I went and joined him on the couch, and he looked at me then, "I'm sorry, Brother." He then looked back to the ground, hanging his head.

"S'okay, just don't do it again." I said as I gave the back of his neck a squeeze and letting go. "You're really starting to worry Jax and I, Brother. You need to try fix this and soon boy."

"yeah… yeah I know. It's just gonna take some time and a little bit of space…" He said as he looked up at me.

"You asking me to leave Juicy?" I asked.

"Yeah… I mean I appreciate all you've done, it might not look it, but you've helped me a lot. But now I need to start dealing with things on my own Chibs." He answered.

"Okay, bu' it anything happens or yeh need ta talk, don' just go of on one of yeh rides again. Come find me or call me and I'll help yeh anyway I can." I got up from the couch and motioned to him to do the same. When he got up with a groan I pulled him into a tight hug, and before letting him go I tilted my head so I could say to him in a whisper, "I'm here for you my Brother." And gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and pulled away. Moving my hands to his biceps and waiting for him to look at me I say to him "I love yeh Juice."

"Love you man, and thanks, for everything." He replied.

I gave his shoulder a pat and walked to the door, before leaving I turned to him and say "call me anytime Brother," and then head out the door and head home. That night I stayed up, hoping I did the right thing. Hoping he didn't do anything.

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Okay so I kinda forget the timeline of the whole Chibs and Juice moments in season 4 and for the next chapter I'm not quite sure if it should be before or after this chapter so forgive me for any stuff ups.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few days since I left Juice's and haven't spoken to or seen too much of him. We're all in the clubhouse having a drink and Juice is sitting on the couch in the corner by himself with a half empty bottle of whiskey looking a little lost. Pretty sure the kid had been there since I confronted him in the bathroom, telling him to basically get over it; shit happens.

After a few drinks the boys started heading home; by eleven Tig, Juice and I were the only ones left; given Tig was on his way to a room with a Crow Eater. I took a shot of whiskey and went over to sit with Juice to let him know that I'm there for him. We just sat in the clubhouse for a few hours drinking without a word, being comforted by each other's company.

"I was wrong," Juice had blurted out into the silence, his words slurring.

"Wrong abou' wha'?" I asked him.

"I can't deal with this on my own," he admitted in a whisper, lowering his head in what looked like shame.

"Why don't we ge' yeh home Juicey?" I suggested, getting a nod in reply. "And why don't I drive us home in the van?" Getting yet another quiet nod. We reached the van and just I was about to get into the drivers side, Juice had grabbed my arm and spun me around. He pulled me into a tight hug, knocking the wind out of me, I hugged him back. "Thanks Brother," he whispered in my ear and pulled away. He then grabbed the sides of my face and kissed me on the lips, it was quick and hard, I didn't really question it, I just assumed that because he was drunk and he didn't mean anything by it.

I got Juice to his house and inside to the bathroom just in time as he threw up in the sink, not quite making it to the toilet. I got him undressed and into the shower, leaving him, I went into the lounge room and turned on the TV and put on a movie I wasn't paying attention to. Juice returned a while later, seeming a little less drunk and looking exhausted. He sat on the lounge with me and within minutes he was passed out, dropping his head on my shoulders and his feet up on the coffee table. I started drifting in and out of consciousness, when I heard the credits of the movie begin I turned the TV down. Somewhat later I woke up to Juice moving silently into the kitchen. The tap starting running and I heard water splashing, and then I heard him talking. "You're an idiot, you got brothers that love you, would die for you and you fucked it all up," then I heard shuffling of feet. I got up then and walked to the kitchen and stopped at the door. Juice was on the floor, leaning against the bench, his arms around his legs and his face on his knees, his body shaking.

I moved towards him, making my presence known and grabbed his arms and pulled him into a hug. His arms were undermine and I could smell whiskey, weed and his lavender soap. I could feel his fingers digging into my back as if he was holding onto dear life, and his ragged breath on my neck and he was warm, almost too warm.

As I pulled away I saw something written on his face, it was only for a second and it was dark, but I'm sure I saw the look despair. "There's something you're not telling me isn't there? The reason you canno' deal with this yehself? Yeh know, other than what I already know?" I asked him, my hands squeezing the back of his neck.

He quickly glanced up at me and then his eyes went back to the floor, for about a minute he kept opening and closing his mouth, thinking about what to say. "I'm not askin' yeh to make yeh tell me what it is boy, just do me the curtesy of acknowledging it." I said to him, and in reply he looked up at me with teary eyes and nodded his head once, firmly. "At least tell me you're alright? I mean if yeh in any danger yeh would tell meh, wouldn't you?"

"I'm fine Chibs. Really," he said, returning his eyes back to the floor.

"okay, well why don't you ge' to bed, we're both exhausted and we need the sleep." I suggested, not knowing what else to do for him at the moment.

Juice and I had the day of so we decided to go out for breakfast and head back to TM to get our bikes. Juice didn't seem like he wanted to spend the day with the guys and so we went for ride and stopped after a few hours in a town where no one knew us and where there was a beach. We didn't wear out kutts and Juice looked happy to be free from the club and the responsibilities. We had lunch before sussing out the town, Juice found a video game shop and he spent a good hour in there and came out with good find. We roamed the main street just looking through the shops before heading down to the beach. We went in the water for an hour before deciding it was time to head back home.

After heading to TM to check on things Juice and I went to pick up food for dinner and then went back to my house, considering I hadn't actually been home for a few days, as I was staying at the club and Juices'.

We heated up our dinner and ate while playing poker, teaching Juice some tricks. We played for a few hours, enjoying the rest of our day off.

"You seemed happy today Juice, happier than I've seen you in a long time." I noted to him. I didn't get a response from him, which is what I expected. We decided to call it a night at 11:30 and went to bed, sharing mine as my couch was much too small for either of us.

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Okay so I've no idea where I was going with the story. So for now I think I'll stop it at this and if any of my readers (if there are any) have any ideas for how to go from here please let me now, because I love and adore these two character and cannot get enough of them


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